Life has too many bad days. I’ve had an unusually high percentage of them for a while. The pressures have taken their toll, my emotional endurance waivers, and my fuse continually shortens.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a magic wand that transforms things with a quick wave and a flick. My circumstances are not easily fixed. Some, such as bills, will be a constant for the rest of my life. And some, such as the pressures of raising a puppy, I would not want to be rid of. Most external pressures are beyond my control, so there’s very little I can do about them.
Internal pressures are another matter. How I perceive things, how I dwell on things, or the extent to which I emotionally invest myself in things can be influenced by me. Or at least that is the case when I have more control over my inner life. When I am in control, I have the power to choose how I act in situations.
Unfortunately, external pressures work to take away that control. Once that happens, I can no longer act upon my own internal muse, but am forced to react to situations as they arise. I become enslaved by my environment and find myself doing things I wouldn’t normally do. I become filled with negativity, which is really a self-defense mechanism meant to protect me from external threats. I don’t like it when I find myself in this state.
In order to reclaim my emotions, I need to heal on the inside. When the world in which I live batters down my emotional fortitude, it leaves me tender, more prone to mindlessly react. The effect of healing those wounds is similar to any bodily wound. As the healing process continues, the tenderness goes away, and the instinct to react subsides.
Something that helps me to heal is water. Christians often use water as a symbol of divine healing because it is the element used in our baptisms. And I think it originally became a symbol of healing because of the way it naturally affects us. Soaking one’s feet in water after a long walk, or sitting in a bath tub after a rough day has a distinct physical effect that soothes us. When I cut my finger, I run cold water over it until the bleeding stops. Water is a healing element.
I also use it to help me heal when I feel tender on the inside, when I feel as if I need spiritual and emotional healing. I’m a fan of showers. So, while taking one, I’ll stand under the water and imagine it washing away all the negativity from my body and carrying it down the drain. I take my time and allow this to be a relatively slow process. I start with my head and work my way down my body to my feet. Having cleansed myself of the spiritual/emotional grime, I then imagine the waters soothing my spirit in the same fashion, from head to toe. Afterward, I feel much better than when I went in.
I thought I would share that because it may help you as you try to recover from your own woes. Internal healing can take a long time, and it’s a never-ending process. As we recover from wounds, we acquire new ones. That’s just a part of life. This won’t fix everything, but it may help. And who knows, over time you might find your emotional and spiritual fortitude returning, or even strengthening.
Sorry about the delayed response. What I don't recommend is for anyone is to be hard on themselves for "slacking off". It's normal. Indeed, I think it's more natural and healthier to ebb and flow spiritually than to be constantly engaged. Ebbing and flowing is not about moving from a non-spiritual state to a spiritual state, or vice versa; it's about moving from one vital spiritual state to another. Both the ebb and the flow are integral parts of the spiritual life.
If you want to strengthen your spiritual connection, my best recommendation is to ask yourself where you need to start. One possibility here might be to sit quietly in a safe space (no interruptions) for a little while, imagine yourself sitting with your deeper self, and discuss. Don't try to control the conversation. And you won't want to control the conversation if you aren't afraid of what you are going to hear, so don't be afraid. Only you know what you need to do; you just have to be willing to accept your answer. Anyway, that's just one option, but I'll throw it out there for you to play with.
I'm not sure If I addressed your question, but I hope so. Let me know if I missed something.
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